This right here is my last line of defense.
Rid my heart of this toxic romance.
These withdralws, my skin crawls.
Starting to shake, I might break and call. (I might, will you answer?)
I can’t deny that if you would ask me to stay, I would say yes.
I can’t accept just half of your heart when I’m giving you my best.

Burns like fire, crying like rain.
Love the pleasure, hate the pain.
In limbo, I can’t go, I can’t stay.

I don’t wanna love you this way.
Don’t know if you think it’s a game.
I don’t wanna love you this way,
with my back against the wall.
I don’t wanna keep it inside.
I ain’t gonna pretend it’s alright.
I don’t wanna love you with my back against the wall.

This right here is where I draw the line.
All you do is waste my fucking time.
Clock keeps ticking, tired of wishing.
Will you make up your mind? I know that you’ll never.
Love me or leave me, you’re so deceiving.
Why can’t I let you go?
Nightmare or dreaming, I’m barely breathing.
Somebody wake me up.

Burns like fire, crying like rain.
Love the pleasure, hate the pain.
In limbo, I can’t go, I can’t stay.

I don’t wanna love you this way.
Don’t know if you think it’s a game.
I won’t love you this way,
with my back against the wall.
I don’t wanna keep it inside.
I ain’t gonna pretend it’s alright.
I won’t love you with my back against the wall.

Things I learned because I kissed you;;

How meditative long car rides can be

How much I could love the city at night

How to love wild and passionately

How beautiful the ocean cliffs are at night

That after 30 seconds of ringing, you’ll reach the voice mail box

How to slow down on the freeway without cops noticing your break lights

How to love myself, first, always

That you can manifest anything into your reality, so be very careful what you wish for

That it takes time to heal a broken heart

How to avoid a particular website for extended periods of time

That there are things you can only learn with age

How not to be become attached

How beautiful the city lights look from the canyon

That the past is a good place to visit, but never to dwell

That it is possible to out run the cops

That too much alcohol can bring out the worst in people

That too much alcohol can bring people closer

That broken hearts never completely heal, but you end up stronger anyway

How awful it is to hold on too tightly to something

How awful it is to hold on too tightly to someone

What real love is

What lustful love is

How strong I can be if I let myself

That loving someone can dismantle your soul

How to build myself back up after being dismantled

That if it didn’t last, it wasn’t meant to be

How to care about someone unconditionally, even if they won’t give it back

How to be happy on my own

That at eighteen, you might know everything there is to know about love

And by 21 you have no idea at all

Can’t Say I Never Loved You *

If my love can’t be with you, who in the world can I give it to?
Who can I live my life to change the world with?
If I love what you tell me ‘Cause I can’t take responsibilities.
My pride is all I have now you’re gonna take it take it take it from me.
Promises were all I got. It might mean nothing to you
But to me it meant a lot

You said you love me but you left.
Lord knows I really did my best.
I relied on you to do the rest,
Can’t say I never loved you.
And I was giving you me.
Hoping that the possibility.
Wouldn’t need to set you free.
Can’t say I never loved you.

Where you going? I hope you’re staying.
There’s no way you can repay what you took from me.
I’m not crying over you.
Not gonna chase you down like some fool.
If this is it baby, have it your way.
Promises were all I got, it might mean nothing to you.
But to me it meant a lot.

Was it everything that you planned it to?
Believe it, really I’m gonna get over you.
And now the change is all from red to blue.
You’re like old news old news old news.

You said you loved me but you left.
Lord knows I really did my best.
I relied on you to do the rest…
Can’t say I never loved you *

-M.F. 

"The only time our friendship is real to you is when you need me the most but I’ve grown so fed up with searching for you when all I get is your ghost."

He actually remembered my birthday…thank you

Happy Birthday;;

I’m 24 now and to be completely honest, I don’t really have much enthusiasm about it. I mean, it’s just another day. I’m always thankful to have another opportunity to wake up after a goodnight’s sleep.

Nonetheless, I sort of feel like something’s missing. Not sure what…but, there’s always that emptiness. (shrugs) Call me emo, whatever lol…I’m happy…just not too sure why I’m not my happiest.

Rock, Paper, Scissors*

You don’t, you don’t notice that I’m here.
You don’t, you don’t seem to care that you play with my heart.
Take me for granted, leave me in the dark.

And I’m not, and I’m not, even thinking clear.
Today I smile, next day full of tears.
Losing my mind, I don’t even know
if you’re wasting my time

Are you gonna
crush my heart, cover me, cut me off?
Make your decision, boy.
Crush my heart, cover me
Cut me off, make your decision.

Rock, paper, scissors.
Will it be rock, paper, scissors?
I don’t know what you’re feeling.
Will it be rock, paper, scissors?

Wish I, wish I, had the common sense
to know better and just walk away.
Easier said, harder to do when I still think there’s hope
for me and you
Always hurts to never be put first
If I’m last on your list, really what’s my worth?
Keep me in fear; Asking you questions I don’t wanna hear the answers to.

Are you gonna crush my heart, cover me
Cut me off? Make your decision.
Crush my heart, cover me
Cut me off, make your decision.

Someone should have told me I can’t compete
with someone who is impossible to beat (I just don’t get it.)
Makes my heart beat but it’s killing me.
Are the odds in my favor? I don’t know

Rock, paper, scissors.
Will it be rock, paper, scissors?
I don’t know what you’re feeling.
Will it be rock, paper, scissors?

-M.F.